The Purple Binder

Last month at my surgical/oncologist consult, I was given a purple binder.

It contained all of my required and necessary information for each procedure leading up to the surgery as well as the surgery itself.

That day when I came home, I tossed it on a table and never picked it up until now, well yesterday.

I needed to give myself some time before I headed into the abyss of more information, with all of the cans and can't do, the don't do's and what I needed to do.

Last night, I picked it up, dusted it off, (no not really, it hadn't been sitting there that long), and proceeded to read through every page and every detail.

So sugar coating here. It was a lot. I felt a bit overwhelmed. I felt a bit heavy. But it wasn't about the cancer really. It was more about all the things that have to be done. I felt inconvenienced.

The invasion of a cluster of disease riddled microorganisms for some reason didn't bother me as much as needing to have two separate procedures done each week prior to the actual lumpectomy, not being able to take my vitamins a week before surgery, or making sure I shower with the special anti-everything shower gel the night before, no lotion, sleep in clean whatever, with clean sheets, then shower again in the morning before surgery with the same gel, put on a clean button down top, nothing that I have to lift my arms to get into, no lotion, no deodorant, nothing.

Y'all know how into my organic shea butters, essential oils, and lotions, I am.

And that was just a few.

There were pages and pages of the do's and don't do. I just sat still on top of my bed amidst all of the single pages that I pulled out of the purple binder and took in some deep breaths.

As I solemnly continued on I reached a divider towards the end or the back of the purple binder. I said to myself, "How much more can there be for crying out loud?!"

It was the Wellness section.

It was the section dedicated to our personal self-care.

It was the section dedicated to our mental welfare.

It was the section dedicated to the wellness of every aspect of our being.

It was also full of information. Information to help us through every possible facet of the journey.

A lot of do's to do.

Good do's.

Lovely do's.

Inspiring do's.

Enlightening do's.

I offered up a whisper of thanks to God.

I felt not so overwhelmed. I felt lighter. I felt calm.

I reckon that's why it's at the end or the back of the purple binder.

By the time you get there you really do welcome it.