The Breast Staredown

Jun 30, 20243 min read

I'm going to be intimate in the feels of this post.

That disclaimer is more for the gentlemen readers. Breasts are indeed intimate. Just sayin'.

After drying off from my shower this morning I stood in front of the mirror and stared at my body, in all it's curvaceous, round, Ruben-esque glory.

I have two surgical sites, one outlines the areola, which is where my surgeon went in to remove the cancer mass, and the other is under my arm pit where two lymph nodes were removed.

The bandages off of my breast, the surgical strips and tapes dissolved and fallen away, the infection in my lymph area healed, no more swelling and pain. I stood there staring at her.

I looked at my chest and the contrast of the right and left breast, focusing my attention more on the right. Of course she looks different than her twin. There are small areas of bruising, around the areola with the slight remnants of suturing, but with the darkness of my areola and nipple, it really is not that noticeable. That area still had some healing to go through, but nothing that a little Neosporin didn't help with.

My arm pit area is not as red as it was when the infection was present, but my skin seems to be settling for the reddish-brown hue of its current state. As long as the infection is gone, the surgical scar is healing, (more Neosporin), and there is no more pain, I'm good with that.

With my first consult, before surgery, I was informed of the shrinkage of the breast due to the removal of the cancerous mass and tissue. During my radiation consultation, it was once again relayed to me that once the course of radiation treatment is complete, the right breast could end up being an entire cup size smaller. And raised a wee bit, y'know, the perky breast thing.

During all three consultations I was advised that I can have cosmetic surgery on my left breast in order to bring it to match the size of the right. After all is said and done, literally, the difference in size could be considerable enough to affect bra size, bra wearing. The blessing is that it is covered by my insurance because it is inclusive of the breast cancer treatment.

I decided today that I will be having the surgery.

I stared at her some more.

Yep. I see it. I see how she is indeed raised up a bit, and being raised up, the form and size is different than her twin. Being a busty woman, the significance is recognizable. There's no deformity, it's just what I was told it would be. This is so very interesting to me.

After surgery having to sleep in special bras through the immediate healing phase, I've grown accustomed to having my breasts secure. About three weeks after surgery I purchased bandeau bras to sleep in or to wear while I'm just relaxing around the apartment not going anywhere. They are so comfortable and without pressure she's getting the support she needs while she's still healing. Freeing without flopping.

Staring at her battle scars, smiling and thanking God that we, the whole body fantastic, are okay, I reached for my cocoa butter with all its skin healing properties, and massaged the earthiness into my breast and arm pit area. And yes, the body entirely.