Good Intentions

This is a wee bit delicate and it comes in two parts. So this will be a long post.

 Family, friends, those oh so close to us, and those who maybe just know us a little, like colleagues or neighbors, each have their angle of support. People generally have good intentions when they're trying to encourage someone.

Words or deeds, we offer our best wishes, thoughts, prayers, and support. Depending on the trial or circumstance, it can be difficult knowing just what to say and how to say it, trying to come up with the right words. Because in our heart of hearts we want to encourage, inspire and instill hope.

But sometimes, yes the intent can get lost in the translation of the actual words.

"Girl, God keeps you on the battlefield."

• "Uh no He doesn't. He keeps me in perfect peace as I go through the battle."

"You are not alone in this walk with this disease of cancer. God is giving you another testimony."

• "Brotha, I am having a biopsy. A biopsy is not an automatic diagnosis of cancer. I do not receive this."

"And so what if you have to have a mastectomy, your faith is so strong you'll be just as joyful, it's all okay."

• "I haven't gotten my course of treatment yet so I am not putting faith in "what ifs".

I knew what each person was trying to convey; I wasn't bothered. But still, with grace and love, yes I spoke up against the words, not the intent behind them.

Then there are people who want to tell you about the experience of someone they know. The not so good experiences and outcomes.

I admit, in the beginning of this journey by the time people who had positive experiences and testimonies to share, I was tired of hearing about anybody's story.

"My neighbor had breast cancer and it was awful, she went through the most excruciating treatment. But you'll be okay. God's got you."

"My cousin's friend had cancer and it left him a shell of a man. But I know you and you have strong faith."

Being told these things reminded me of the SEX AND THE CITY episodes when Samantha was undergoing treatment for breast cancer. Carrie was talking about Samantha to her then boyfriend Aleksandr Petrovsky and he immediately told her about his friend who died from breast cancer.

Though I sort of got the gist of what Carrie was getting at, I still didn't fully understand why she was so agitated when he would bring up his friend, who died.

Until hearing people say these sort of things to me.

No one is denying the reality, but no one wants to hear it when it pertains to them, especially because every woman's own journey is specific them, their bodies, and their experiences. Where's the encouragement? Death and doldrums do not inspire someone facing such circumstances to fight, to have hope, or to, yes, hold on to their faith.

In each instance, I spoke up. Boundaries. I made it clear that I did not want to hear about Pookie and dems friend's cousin's next door neighbor whose experience was so dire and ugly and messy and riddled with death.

As for Carrie and Aleksandr, by the end of the episode he did explain why he was bringing up his friend who died. He never fully got a chance to expand on it because, understandably, she would cut him off. But if he had been given the chance to keep talking, he brought her up not to expand on the experience of her death, but not wanting Carrie to be surprised by the other side of survival.

Being where I am now in this journey, I really do get it.

Part Two

One night during a conversation with a friend who recently kicked prostate cancer's arse, he said to me, "Be careful who you tell 'cause some people will have you dying as they tell it."

There's some truth to that.

After my second brain surgery to remove the tumor that had grown back, I was invited to be interviewed on a webcast to share my journey and my faith. It never happened and this is the reason why.

While preparing for the interview, my friend, my sister in Christ, kept referring to my brain tumors as brain cancer. I kept correcting her. It was constant correction. It was like she didn't hear me continuously say, "No, the tumors were benign. They weren't cancerous."

Frustrated and annoyed I told her I am not going to do this interview if you are going to report that I had brain cancer. She tried to spin it, "Oh no, no. We want to share God's miracle of healing."

I continued, pointing out the fact that it is a lie and I was not going to let her use me to tell a lie.

Can you tell where she was going with this? Well here it is.

Not having cancer wasn't sensational enough.

After two brain tumors, having had two full on open skull brain surgeries and standing here in front of her with vitality and vigor, energized and joyful, grateful to be A L I V E, this was not sensational enough. She could not see God's miracle of healing because in her mind it was not big enough of a miracle.

I told her right on the set, I am not doing this interview. "I know you had good intentions, but your intent was amiss. If you need to embellish my journey to glorify God then you're not glorifying God. And I definitely will not let you tell people I had something that I didn't have.

The motive behind the intent was not good. As a woman of faith, and knowing that I know that I know, without a doubt, that I am here because of the healing power of Jehovah Rophe, Our God Who Heals, and not being able to share that, it was difficult to walk away from that interview.

Yet, I would do it again without hesitation. My testimony is about truth.

Pure, good intentions are always true.